he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
