Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
He? As in you personified your dick?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
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