Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
