he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
