You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
When are your genitals available?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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