Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
