why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I believe in your delicious
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
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