Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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