There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
