yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
