So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
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When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
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Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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