Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
