That's intense
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
