I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
