Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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