I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."