There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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