Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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