If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
