I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
