Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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