i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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