Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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