The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
You don't make any sense
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