Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
he fucked my hip out of place.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Randomize
