He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize