I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
