last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
