Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
