so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
