HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.