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He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
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