I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.