Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(256): View more from Alabama

He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me

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(256): He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me http://tfl.nu/nz3h

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(651): View more from Minnesota

i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend

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(651): i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend http://tfl.nu/co7p

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(631): View more from New York

so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.

(631): View more from New York

what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK

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(631): so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night. (631): what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK http://tfl.nu/1v47

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(816): View more from Missouri

Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.

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(816): Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower. http://tfl.nu/cq6t

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.

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(608): The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer. http://tfl.nu/u1k3

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.

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(978): he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey. http://tfl.nu/pfjh

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(859): View more from Kentucky

i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey

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(859): i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey http://tfl.nu/w11j

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(605): View more from South Dakota

So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever

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(605): So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever http://tfl.nu/ken4

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(816): View more from Missouri

Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.

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(816): Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing. http://tfl.nu/pnzr

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.

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(603): playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on. http://tfl.nu/nhak

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(321): View more from Florida Space Coast

Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow

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(321): Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow http://tfl.nu/go53

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(607): View more from New York

I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.

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(607): I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight. http://tfl.nu/mq74

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(612): View more from Minnesota

He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.

(1-651): View more from Minnesota

It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.

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(612): He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket. (1-651): It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm. http://tfl.nu/ei3h

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(270): View more from Kentucky

I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me

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(270): I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me http://tfl.nu/n5ey

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(706): View more from Georgia

It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me

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(706): It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me http://tfl.nu/2th9

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