I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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