your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
