Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
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