omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
