what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
