I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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