my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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