he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
