Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize