I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
he laminated a picture of his dick.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize