Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
