so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
