If you die in college, do you die in real life?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
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