Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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