I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
