i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
