Can i not drive my cunt home
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
