We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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