just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
