It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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