She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Randomize
