I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
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