just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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