Me. At least after what I've been through.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
The beer is more important than you right now.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
