did you get engaged???
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
