the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Farmville is her only friend.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I need a beard to bite.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
