If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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