i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
