bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
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