thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
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