I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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