If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
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