Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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