I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
