She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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