The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
my liver is dry heaving
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
