I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I got inside last night via doggy door
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
