its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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