is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
