did you get engaged???
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
