It's like God shit irony all over that family
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
