yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize