do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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