I looked at my own cervix.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
