:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
