i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
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