Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Let's get the cat blown out
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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