I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I'm really into asian looking animals
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
