It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Blood and glitter go together right?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize
